


Finding Something To Live For

by Dramione84



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:18:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8413489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramione84/pseuds/Dramione84
Summary: Draco Malfoy has turned himself in to the Order. He has nothing left to live for, no reason yet to die. Hermione Granger is tasked with looking after him. Slowly she helps him find something to live for and he learns the meaning of having something worth fighting for.





	1. Part I

Prompt:

I've got nothing left to live for Got no reason yet to die

Cause I don't need this life I just need… Somebody to die for

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

* * *

Raised voices in the kitchen pulled her from the book she was reading. Aside from her, only Lupin, Sirius, Molly and Arthur were in the house. Harry and Ron were out on a mission with Tonks, Moody, Luna and Neville. She had stayed behind to work on the translation of the text that had been passed to them by an unknown informant. It was hard going so she had taken a break at Molly's insistence, reading a muggle novel while sipping tea.

Frowning, she set down her book and the china cup and made her way down to the kitchen quietly. Pausing on the stairs, she craned her neck to hear what was being said, but the voices had quietened to mere murmurs. Her footfalls light, she made her way to the kitchen door, her palm against the worn out wood.

The door opened suddenly, startling her and she gasped, stepping back as Sirius stormed past her, his face darkened. Braced against the wall, for a moment she was rooted to the spot.

"Come in Hermione" Lupin called with a sigh, watching her carefully as she crossed the threshold. Her eyes widened as she saw him, sat at the kitchen table, the instantly recognisable young man by his side, looking as though he had frequent flyer miles for Hell and though he hadn't seen a bath in months. Stood in the corner of the room was her old potions master, his arms folded, his features stoic.

"I must return, Lupin." Snape told him, gliding over to the floo. With a flash of green flames, the floo roared to life, returning him to Malfoy Manor. As the roar died down, the silence of the kitchen engulfed her until it was all too much for her to bare.

"What is going on?" she asked, searching the faces of Lupin, Molly and Arthur for answers. No one spoke, each darting their eyes to the others. "Well?" she demanded, her voice threatening to break.

Lupin motioned for her to sit down "Snape has asked us to protect Draco."

She looked at him with sheer incredulity "Are you serious? And you agreed to this?"

"He made the Unbreakable Vow, Hermione. Dumbledore trusts Snape, so we must likewise trust him. He has his reasons for the request and we have ours for granting it" he told her.

She stared at him, disbelieving.

"He is going to be staying with the Order, in the room next to yours. Can you show him up to the room please?" Lupin asked her, his eyes conveying that the matter was now closed.

She turned to Molly, hoping for someone, anyone to understand her feelings. "Dinner will be ready in about half an hour, I will bring it up to you both." she told her, turning her attention to the stove.

Her eyes met Draco's and she shivered involuntarily. Gone was the malice, the sneer, the hatred and utter contempt that previously they held for her, replaced with fear and pleading. She tried to hold his gaze but he looked away, shammed by her piercing stare. She felt her something twist in her heart and a little of her resolve melted. Standing, she turned to him, rolling her eyes as if to convey her acquiescence "Come on then."

Pushing open the door, she stepped into the room and waited for him to follow her in. His movements slow, he seemed beaten down and it was hard for her not to have a little compassion for him. Gone was the Slytherin Prince who had mocked her, tormented her and insulted her very birth. In his stead was this broken boyish man who looked as though even she terrified him. It was unnerving.

"Would it be Ok to have a bath, Granger" he quietly asked, sitting himself down on the edge of the bed. Hermione thought for a moment "I can't see why not, it's just across the hall" she told him, going to the closet. Opening the door, she pulled out a towel.

"Thank you" he murmured, not meeting her eyes.

Walking past the bathroom door as she made her way along the corridor, she heard the muffled sobs. Pausing, she softly knocked on the door before pushing it gently open just enough to ask if he was alright. Her gaze caught his reflection in the mirror and her eyes widened at the sight. She pushed the door wide open, stepping into the bathroom before closing the door behind her. Stunned, Draco gave no reaction as she tentatively reached out with her hand to help him remove his clothes, his discarded robe showing a shirt blackened with dirt and crimson with blood.

Peeling the shirt away gently, she traced wounds that were old and new, scars long healed and fresh, the mortification of his flesh causing her heart to clench in her chest. Helping him into the bath, she averted her eyes, attempting to preserve what remained of his dignity. She took a washcloth and gently palmed water over dried blood, soothing his skin with her delicate touch. He hissed through gritted teeth at the worst of it, her gentle voice cooing and relaxing him. Closing his eyes, he allowed her touch and the water to heal him, washing him anew.

"Why are you helping me?" he whispered, his hand stilling hers as her fingertips traced the Sectumsempra scar that marred the flesh just above his collar bone. His eyes boring into hers, searching her very soul, she felt compassion for the vulnerable boyish man before her.

"I don't know" she murmured, unable to look away from his piercing gaze. "Why did you turn yourself in to the Order? She whispered.

"I have nothing left to live for, got no reason left to die" he told her, looking away.

.


	2. Part II

Snatching up clothes from the trunk in Harry and Ron's room, she rushed into the room Draco now occupied. He sat perched on the edge of his seat in the wingback chair in the corner of the room. "I have clothes, Molly will clean yours. I also have some mertlap. I am afraid we have no dittany currently" she babbled quietly, coming to him. Kneeling before him, he thought it was an odd sense of irony to now have her at his feet when arguably he should be the one bowing down to her. She was serene and kindly and he by contrast was worthless. Tears pricked his eyes. She should hate him, he was sure. Reaching out, he brushed a loose curl behind her ear. Expecting her to startle at his touch, to pull away disgusted, he was emboldened by her stillness. Brushing his thumb across her cheek, he tilted her head up so she looked into his glistening eyes.

"Thank you" he murmured.

A small smile played across her lips before she unscrewed the lid from the murtlap. Sadness tinged her face as she spoke "This is going to sting."

Soft hands caressing with delicate smooth strokes, his eyes screwed up and the hissing echoed in the silence of the room. He had never felt so vulnerable, so exposed and yet so content to allow someone to touch him so intimately. Carefully she helped him to dress and for a moment they stood transfixed, neither saying a word. A sharp knock on the door caused them both to jump back in surprise, Draco whipping his head round so quickly she wondered if his neck smarted from the action.

Molly entered carrying a tray with two soup bowls "Oh there you are Hermione" she said, distractedly, as she placed the tray on the chest of draws. "I'm sorry it's only soup. Hopefully we can get out to get some more supplies soon" she explained.

Hermione smiled at the woman, noting how worn out she appeared by it all. It couldn't be easy she mused. "Sirius and Lupin are having a meeting. Probably best if you don't go downstairs for now" she told them before leaving the room, the door clicking softly as she closed it behind her.

Hermione took her soup bowl and went to leave the room.

"Granger…." Draco began, stopping her in her tracks. He didn't follow up with anything else but she saw the pleading look in his eyes. She realised then he was all alone in the world, his parents on the other side of the line, his friends all gone. He had no one. Something moved in her heart and she found herself settling down into another chair in the room.

Taking his bowl he ate like he was a man half starved and she supposed he must have been, judging by the evidence of abuse on his torso. She had barely touched her own food, unable to rouse a feeling of hunger within herself as she thought of Harry and Ron alone in the world, searching for horcruxes. She had her own mission to attend to but it didn't quash her feelings. Handing her bowl to Draco, he looked at her for a moment, confusion etched across his face and she smiled. Silently he took the bowl and with tentative motions, he spooned the remaining food into his mouth as she watched on.

Painful he moved over to the bed, Hermione taking his arm and helping him under the covers. He closed his eyes, grasping at her hand before falling asleep. His breathing steady, Hermione moved to the door, her hand on the knob before his screaming and thrashing broke the silence. Rushing to his side, she stroked his face "shush, Draco it's me, you're safe". Eyes snapping open, wide with fear, he gripped her arms, pulling her, flipping her onto her back, pinning her to the bed. Fully awake now, he looked down, relief washing over him as his misty grey gaze met her bright hazel orbs.

"Sorry" her mumbled, releasing his grip, crashing onto his back, tears threatening.

"It's ok" she told him, stroking his arm "you weren't properly awake, it was a nightmare"

Turning to look at her he couldn't understand how she could have such compassion.

"How can you bare to be near me?" he asked.

She said nothing, her eyes screwing up as she turned on her side

"Cause I don't need this life I just need… Somebody to die for" she told him.


	3. Part III

Lying in the dark, hands clasped gently, he opened up to her in a way he never thought possible. He couldn't understand why she wanted to listen, but she did. She listened to every whispered utterance, each syllable of his confession resounding in her heart. No pity, no judgement. Brick by brick his walls came down at her hands.

Taking her thumb, she brushed away the small tear that trickled from the corner of his eye. He felt vulnerable and weak, and he knew it should unnerve him, but it didn't. He wanted her, needed her to understand. Fingers caressed his scars as he explained the story behind each one. A flying accident. A potions experiment gone wrong. A cane used too forcefully. Sectumsempra. Cruicio. Cruicio. Crucio. She didn't wince, or pull away. Her capacity for compassion overwhelmed him.

Each night was the same. Whispered words of anguish, her comforting touch and voice. When he woke drenched in sweat, tangled in sheets, grasping for a lifeline, she soothed him with gentle words. Clinging to her, he listened to her heart beat as it lulled him back to sleep. Neither of them spoke about their nocturnal ritual to anyone else. For all everyone else knew they slept soundly in their own rooms.

During the day she worked on the translation while he sat reading in the corner. Lupin came in periodically to update her and to take the latest batch of writing from her. Draco worked his way round the library. As the days wore on with no word from the others, they found themselves left to each other's company more and more. Meals were brought up to the library, the kitchen the domain of Sirius and Lupin. Occasionally Sirius would bark his disapproval at Draco's presence, Lupin would placate him with logical reasoning; Molly for her part would quietly suggest the pair kept out of his way.

The translation finished, and still no word from Moody, they found themselves with nothing but the Library books to occupy their minds. Hermione had already finished every book before Draco arrived; he was on his last volume. He no longer sat in the corner of the room, settling himself next to her. Hands edging closer, fingers gently lacing together at the tips, they read in silence.

Pulling the trunk out from under her bed, she took out a book and he frowned, a playful smile forming on his lips "Hogwarts, A History?"

She beamed "No, Shakespeare's Complete Works"

He had never heard of the muggle author Hermione seemed so taken with. Climbing into bed, he reached for her hand as she cracked open the book. Whispered lines, tentative touches, the pair of them tangled together as she read.

Thrashing limbs crashed into her as screaming seeped into her subconsciousness, dragging her from her dreamless sleep. Soothing words were not enough, his flailing arm smashing across her face, bruising and bloodying her lip. Throwing her leg over his hips, she pressed down, pinning his arms with the weight of her body, uncertain whether he would toss her slight frame onto the floor. Movements slowing, her words pulling him into consciousness, his eyes fluttered open. He stilled, her face close to his, her body pressed firmly against his, eyes searching. She relaxed her grip on his arms, hands going to cup his cheeks, as he reached out to touch her lip, his thumb grazing the blood that stained her swollen flesh.

Concern marring his brow he whispered in the dark "Merlin! Did I do that, Hermione?"

"It was an accident" she told him, brushing his concern away with her fingertips.

Aware of the proximity and the slight warmth growing in her lower abdomen, she started to move, rocking her hips as she made to get off him. He closed his eyes, trying to suppress the groan that hitched in his throat as her leg moved over his pelvis. Lying on her back, she stared at the ceiling, waiting for the tingling to subside. Reaching out, he clutched at her, grasping for comfort. She felt him draw into her as she ran hers through his hair.

Lips resting on her warm skin, she teased the hairs that curled slightly at his nape. Tentatively he nuzzled at her neck and for a moment she wasn't sure how to respond. She wasn't supposed to want the man lying next to her and she knew he wasn't supposed to want her. Turning into him, they stared at each other in the darkness neither saying a word.

Rain splattering against the window, she stared out into the dull dreary day, tears inching their way down her cheeks. Taking her hand, he pulled her up from the window seat and over to the bed, laying her down on it. She curled up on her side and he lay down behind her, stroking her hair, and tracing soft circles on her arms. Silent tears turned to sobs that wracked her body, and he coaxed her over, tugging her into his arms.

She wasn't sure how long they had been asleep when the thrashing started, violent movements pulling her from her dreams. Sliding over his body, hips pressed together, hands clasped to his cheeks, her soothing words brought him back from the abyss in his psyche. He brought his hands up to her face, mirroring her actions. Her lips were close to his as he stared into her eyes, slowly bringing her down to close the gap. She didn't flinch or pull away, his tongue gently pressed against her bottom lip, her mouth opening to let him in.

Taking the lead, he gently rolled her onto her back, fingertips exploring as his lips and tongue tasted her mouth. Ardour apparent, he pressed against her causing a small moan to tumble from her lips, the vibration sending a shiver down his spine. Moving to the space between her legs, he took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist gently. She shivered before turning her head away shyly.

"What's wrong?" he gently asked her, taking her chin in his fingertips to turn her face towards his.

"I….I've never…" he silenced her with a tender kiss.

"Me neither" he whispered.

She stared at him in disbelief and he let out a small chuckle.

"Seriously?" she asked, considering the rumours that abounded during their time at Hogwarts.

"Seriously" he confirmed with a coy smile. "We don't have to if you don't want to"

Even in the dark she saw him blush.

"I do, Draco, I want you" she told him.

,


	4. Part IV

Whispered words of comfort soothed the strange sensations as they became one. Gently they rocked, their motions becoming more confident with each stroke. She felt beautiful, truly beautiful for the first time in her life. Fingernails digging in, she was careful not to cause pain to his injuries as she climbed higher and higher. Gentle, yet feral, blissful strokes gave way to primal urges as they surged forwards, seeking out something tangible yet hidden.

White light behind his eyes, he found release in her, moaning her name like a litany. Crashing down on to her, they both lay breathless for a moment before his lips found hers. Tongues massaging, his fingers found their way to a place she thought only she knew. Tingling growing with each little movement, she moaned, writhing under him. He wanted her, needed her, to feel what he had felt moments before.

Gasping for breath, she pulled away, head lulling back as the shudders overtook her, incoherent words tumbling from her lips as he smiled into her shoulder. Pressing lips together, mumbled thanks and little chuckles hiding embarrassment, they curled into each other's warm embrace.

Each night was the same, clinging to each other, they explored as they sought out bliss. All they had now was each other. If anyone noticed the change in them then no one mentioned it, each absorbed by his own ruminations as they carried out their missions. Curled up together, she would read Shakespeare to him while his fingers entwined hers or found their way into her golden curls.

Shouting rising her from the bed, she pulled on his t-shirt and boxers, rushing from the room. Crashing into the kitchen, she found herself enveloped into a bear hug that caused her to sob uncontrollably as her two best friends greeted her after weeks of absence. Calmed, she stepped back and realisation flooded her senses as they took in her appearance.

"What are you wearing?" chuckled Ron, in disbelief, frowning at her attire.

"Oh, just what was on the floor" she replied, looking away.

Fists banging on tables, she drew herself deeper into the corner of the room, eyes darting up the hall. Lupin tried to calm Ron but he stormed from the room. Frightened she scrambled after him, throwing herself between Ron and the door as he twisted the doorknob.

"What are you doing 'Mione?" he gruffed, bewildered at her actions. Eyes widening, realisation dawning "Is that HIS clothes you are wearing?"

She looked away, unable to bear his scrutiny. A deep, almost inhumane growl resounded from his lips, reverberating off the walls as he punched the door, swearing in fury.

"Whore" he spat, eyes narrowed.

Fingers trembling, she tore her hand from his cheek, shocked to see the crimson mark they left. Tears spilled from her eyes as the torrent he had held back poured forth. Crumpling together as they sunk to the floor, tears and anguish breaking the dams that held them in place, betrayal marred his features.

"How could you?" he whispered.

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same"

Once more whispering confessions, she found herself dredging the depths of her heart. Shaking his head, Ron could not bear to look at her, to listen to her words. Freeing himself from her hands, he pulled away, storming down the stairs as she howled in pain in his wake. Tears clinging to her eyelashes, blinding her sight, arms found her, lifting her up.

He gently laid her on the bed, crawling in behind her, drawing her close. Tracing circles on her arm he whispered words of comfort to her, pressing light kisses to her hair. Without knowing it, without fully comprehending her own power, she had rebuilt him and given him strength. She had taught him that to be vulnerable did not make him weak. He craved the vulnerability with her that gave him something to hold on to, something to fight for, something to live for. He would do the same for her.

He had found a reason to live, a reason to die if he must. He would sacrifice it all for her. With her he had found something to live for.

.


End file.
